


No Matter What

by DebSarcasticPlight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring Castiel (Supernatural), Chubby Dean Winchester, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Depressed Dean Winchester, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Implied/ Referenced Suicide Attempt, M/M, Self-Harm, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 12:09:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20209513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DebSarcasticPlight/pseuds/DebSarcasticPlight
Summary: Castiel met Dean at college at a point when he was really struggling; Now, a year into their relationship, an eating disorder & mood diagnosis later- Will Dean be able to start putting the pieces of his life back together?





	No Matter What

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lamppu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamppu/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Nothing Compares To You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1821790) by [Lamppu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamppu/pseuds/Lamppu). 

So far, it had been entirely too busy a week for Castiel, and it was still only Wednesday… He had just finished moving into his new apartment and started his first semester of Culinary School. He was beginning to feel overwhelmed with the sheer number of syllabi, textbooks, and expectations for all of his new classes. Walking to his car, Castiel's phone buzzed in his pocket; He stopped, fished it out and glanced at the screen.

"Six missed calls from Sam?" Castiel bit his lip and worried to himself before hitting redial.

"Cas?" Sam spoke in a hushed tone.

"Sam, whats going on… Is everything 'ok' over there?"

"Not exactly. Its Dean, he uh, he won't get outta bed… Its been a couple of days, and he won't even talk to me," Sam trailed off.

"Sam, Is your Dad home?"

"Nope, probably won't be back until late this weekend either," Sam assured.

"Ok! I'm on my way over. I should be there in the next 30 minutes or so,"

"Thanks, Cas!"

****

When Sam answered the door, he was greeted by Castiel and three casseroles, he looked up with amusement.

"Its uh, cooking homework!" Castiel mumbled.

"This looks great, Cas!" A smile flickered across Sam's face as he reached out to receive the dishes before remembering the reason for Castiel's visit.

"Dean's uh, he's upstairs…" Sam replied quietly.

"Why don't you dig in Sam, and I'll go check in with him" Castiel reassured, heading upstairs.

Cas stalled outside of Dean's room, thinking back to the last time he had seen his boyfriend. It had only been a week or so ago just before Cas had moved, Dean had seemed in good enough spirits then. Cas knocked gently on the door before entering.

"Dean…?" Castiel called. The room was dark, blinds drawn. As he approached Dean's bedside, he noted about a week's worth of empty takeout containers, dishes, and junk food wrappers that were strewn about the floor.

"Dean?" Cas whispered as he crouched next to Dean's blank, expressionless face. Cas rose and sat on the bed, causing Dean to startle.

"Hey, hey…" Cas reached behind Dean, slowly rubbing circles on his back.

"It's ok, it is just me." Castiel soothed.

"Cas?" Dean croaked from beneath a shroud of blankets.

"What are you doing here?" Yawning dramatically, Dean repositioned himself to curl his body around Castiel's.

"Sam called me…" Cas answered while he wrapped his arms tightly around Dean's rounded midsection before bringing his head gently to rest against his shoulder.

"He's starting to get worried about you..."

"Oh," Dean mumbled under his breath.

They lay together in the bed silently for a little while longer. Finally, Castiel ventured a hand down over Dean's body, seeking out his wrists. Cas's heart clenched up, and a lump began to form in his throat as his fingers brushed against the horizontal scabs of healing skin that he found there.

"I'm so sorry, Cas, I fucked up again!" Dean murmured shifting his body away before Cas could check his thighs or hips. Castiel ignored Dean's reaction, however, and instead pulled his boyfriend into a fierce hug.

"It sounds like you've been having a tough time lately. Did something happen?" Castiel was trying to be as patient as possible, he knew that any trace of negativity in his voice could trigger Dean to shut down entirely. This was not the first depressive episode Castiel had witnessed in their short time together.

"Nothing really… It's stupid, I'm stupid…" Dean trailed off.

"Please tell me? I'll make no judgments, none at all!"

Dean paused briefly, getting lost in Castiel's oh so blue eyes before answering.

"I went to the Doctor last week, and my hip is healing up from the surgery just fine… B-but… They weighed me and, I've gained 40lbs since the accident… FORTY POUNDS Cas! I'm a friggin WHALE!" Dean rolled over and away from Castiel, throwing the covers over his head, wrapping himself in darkness and shutting his eyes tightly. Embarrassment coursed throughout his entire body, threatening to overpower him completely. Castiel tried to reassure his boyfriend, but Dean refused to engage.

****

Sam looked up, optimistically from his homework at the sound of Castiel on the stairs.

"So I talked to Bobby… And he's on his way over here to get you."

"That bad, huh?" Sam asked apprehensively, and Castiel nodded.

"I'm gonna try bringing Dean over to my place for a while, Sam. Maybe the change in scenery will do him some good? I dunno he's just so depressed this time."

"Yeah, Cas, I know."

****

Dean awoke to the unexpected brightness of sunlight streaming through a window. He stretched comfortably, arching his back before realizing his full bladder and stumbling out of bed to relieve himself. Dean was careful not to graze the healing cuts on either his hips or thighs as he pulled his pajama bottoms back up. Despite these attempts, the fabric still pulled taught and dug into his waist, just another reminder of how much fatter he had become. Dean glanced in the mirror as he washed his hands. He eyed the loss of definition in his jawbone, his rounded out cheeks and thickening neck. How could someone like Castiel find anything about him even remotely attractive? As he wondered this to himself, hot tears began tracing down his cheeks. Dean's breath caught in his throat, and he could feel the beginnings of a panic attack unraveling inside of his chest.

A knock at the door quickly pulled Dean from his darkening thoughts. He wiped his eyes and spun around to see Castiel entering the room.

"I brought you your meds," Cas spoke gently, handing his boyfriend three blue pills and a glass of water. Dean swallowed the small pills before becoming entangled in Castiel's arms, pulled so close that he could feel the other man's heartbeat.

"And I made you breakfast…" Castiel stated as he eyed Dean hopefully.

Dean nodded back and allowed himself to be lead into the kitchen where he was greeted by the wonderful smells of eggs, garlic, and cheese. Once seated, Dean began to ravenously devour his breakfast, shoveling food into his mouth so fast it was a struggle to stop and taste it. Castiel had been blossoming into a fantastic chef as of late, now entering his second semester of culinary training, and Dean loved pretty much everything he cooked.

"Dean," Castiel's hand squeezed Dean's shoulder.

"You have to slow down when you eat, remember…?"

Dean looked up at his boyfriend as an intense blush spread throughout his cheeks. He tried to conscientiously chew slower and swallow his food without choking.

"I'm glad you are enjoying it. There's plenty more, and its fairly low in calories! I got the recipe from your Nutritionist."

Dean stopped eating and took a deep breath biting down hard into his lower lip and looking away.

"Hey, hey, your good. Today is a new day, you're out of bed, and its a beautiful outside …" Castiel took Dean's face in his hands, looking down at him for a moment before kissing his boyfriend sensually.

"I Just, I don't know why you even put up with me, Cas..."

***

Castiel thought to himself, the last year of their relationship had indeed been full of trials for them both. Cas had sincerely hoped that moving Dean farther away from his abusive alcoholic father and mitigating his responsibilities of solely caring for Sam would improve his quality of life. At first, it seemed like their life together was beginning to improve things. Eventually, Dean's depression seemed to totally ebb away. Castiel busied himself with culinary school, always bringing home his class projects for himself and Dean to enjoy. Dean had enrolled in some online classes and even seemed to be making the effort to get out of the house at least a little bit every day. Cas had allowed himself to relax his concerns for his boyfriend and be lulled into a false sense of security until that one horrible night only a couple of months ago…

_ Cas had startled himself awake, realizing that the room was all too quiet, absent were Dean's loud and continuous heavy snoring sounds. He blinked his eyes several times trying to adjust to the dimness of the room. Seeing that there was light seeping in under the doorframe, Castiel got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. It had become a fairly regular occurrence for Dean to get up in the night and help himself to a midnight snack. While Castiel had always found Dean's curves both attractive as well as endearing, lately, he had noticed a sudden and significant increase in his boyfriends' weight. He had been considering buying them a bathroom scale. _

_ The first thing Cas noticed was that the refrigerator door was ajar, and the sink was full of dishes again despite having cleaned up everything entirely the night before. As he wondered to himself what the heck was going on, his eyes fell on Dean's motionless form slumped over on the floor of the opposite side of the kitchen. While Castiel's hands quickly found his boyfriend's body, an empty pill bottle dropped from Dean's grasp, rolling away across the floor. Frantically Cas felt for Dean's pulse before recoiling in horror at the sheer number of "x" shaped cuts adorning his boyfriend's forearms. _

Dean had subsequently been hospitalized for three months. Castiel had pooled his resources and found an out of state facility specializing in both Eating Disorders and Self Harm. Though the transition had been hard on everyone, Dean had committed to the program. And with the help of therapy, antidepressants, and a fairly rigid meal plan, things had really begun to improve. Dean had been home with Cas two weeks now, and life seemed to be stabilizing at last.

****

"You could have just left my fat ass in that hospital and moved on to better things…?" Dean's voice sounded small and cracked a little bit on the last few words before he looked back at Cas.

"I'm always gonna put up with you," Cas said, at last, catching Dean's gaze and looking deeply into his emerald green eyes.

"And I'm always gonna love you, Dean. No matter what!"

Dean returned Castiel's stare lovingly despite hints of embarrassment and insecurity flitting across his features. He trusted Castiel and deep down somewhere he did believe that his boyfriend was right; Dean was 'good,' and with Cas, by his side, he would only keep getting better every day.


End file.
